My emotions

My emotions are
Stashed away
In dreary dungeons
Of nauseated awareness.
As an automaton 
I go in the world
Sans tears, sans cry,
Sans voice, sans life.

PS: Well this is how I feel on seeing the world, near and far, around me. I long believed that progress and emotions can’t go hand in hand- either I choose progress and move ahead or be emotional and get stuck. Can I be progressively emotional or emotionally progressive?

Tranquil

In the tranquil hour of dawn
I rose to a rosy dream
What peace in air!
What splendor it seem.

Cool breeze touched my face
And greeted me warm.
The silence of air,
Welcomed me with open arm.

Where was I? At the center,
Or edge of the Universe,
Or not at all there
Whatever… what an upsurge!

The darkness was bright enough
To lite my inner recess.
What was there? The fall of
Cascading feelings, all well-dressed!

I Am There

Oh my sailor! take me to the shore afar,
For the water is too rough here.
I am little scared!

Oh my sailor! help me raise the bar,
For the journey is too tough here.
I am little scared!

Oh my sailor! calm my inner war
For the vision is too blur here
I am little scared!

Oh my sailor! I have come so far
What a wonder, what a wonder I am there!!!
I have dared, I have dared.

Now

Now I am calm,
Now I am at peace.
Now I am happy
Now I am at ease.

Now is what I have
Now rises the fever
Now I see the goal
Now, it is or never

Now my thoughts measure
Now my actions count
Now my intentions define
Now my commitments mount

Now rules the roost
Now is something
Now has the charm
Now is the King!

Hope

Sometimes (rather most of times) I feel human relationships are useless, meaningless, heartless, mindless, feelingless, and, above all, purposeless. Every connection at times looks like mirage. Every word spoken at times mean nothing. Every action at times seems like an act of betrayal.

But there is shimmering light called Hope
which beacons afar hill-top in the Heart.
In spite of being in pain it smiles,
and smiles with such innocence and Art.
It caresses the soul, cleans all wounds,
and says with love and life in words- Don’t be so Hard…
Love, love and love, it is an Art!

That Line

Drop by drop I’ll melt one day
In some deep oblivion.
I am some body now,
Then… I’ll be no one.

Where will my ego be?
Where will my pride go?
May be, left in tatters or so
To meet the end of show.

What remains then,
Will it be mine?
I don’t know, I won’t know,
Once I’ve crossed that line!

I wonder,
What lies before the start
And after the end!
I know,
Time can’t reach there,
Nor can one be send (with baggage).

My Guide, My Glide

In the course of my journey
I was made to believe
That I am not a genius;
I cannot achieve
What others have.

My successes and failures were
Dictated by obnoxious standards
Set by someone unknown.
I felt lost.
I felt distressed.
I felt I was not
The worthy child of my Lord.

I was moving but could never
Fathom my direction.
I was seeing but could not
Perceive my sight
I was touching but could never
Feel the touch.
I have failed Him- I thought!

But He was always there
By my side,
Holding me-
In my depression,
In my desperation
In my joy,
In my celebration.
He was there.

I knew it then,
I know it now.

My senses could not
Sense Him
But I could feel
His presence.
Someone watching over me
With perpetual patience and serene smile
Guiding me
Gliding me
Through the sea of life
Into that Eternity!

At this revelation
That I have never failed Him,
That I am still His worthy child,
That I have the genius
He has bestowed upon me,
I felt at peace.

A lotus has blossomed
In the murky pond
Filled with chaos.
It is serene,
It is divine.

It is me.

Amen

You

You are far yet so near,
You are unknown yet so dear.
You’re the whispers, I hear
Though faint yet so clear.

You were there for me
But I could not see:
The unseen hug,
The silent kiss

My life was mine
Till I met You,
You settled silently
Like morning dew.
I am lost now, and
What a beautiful lose!

Invictus

Sometime back I watched a movie, Invictus. The movie is based on a book by John Carlin, Playing The Enemy: Nelson Mandela and The Game That Changed a Nation. In the movie Nelson Mandela quotes the poem Invictus, written by W.E. Henley, which inspired him to “stand when all he wanted to do was lie down.”

INVICTUS:

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Go, Go, Go Dear

Go, go, go dear
You are not to stop here.
The path is untrodden though,
Your destination is not here.

Go, go, go dear
Shun your inhibition and fear.
It may seem scary all alone
But remember He is always near.

Go, go, go dear
Not the time to quit here.
When you can still walk a mile
Then why stop here!

Go, go, go dear
Conviction be dead in my words, dear.
But a belief is still alive
That your goal is near.
Go, go, go dear…

Right

Wonder,
I could ever give back to you
What I have take from you!

Worried,
Time is so less
And I have created a mess.

Pondered,
Over the futility of my action
And repercussions of my inaction.

Gone,
Are the freshness and single-mindedness
And left behind is my madness.

Left,
Is not right
And the right is no more left!

Silence

I was longing for life when a drop trickled from nowhere.
The silence murmured as the voice came near.

Is He wanting to say and show something?
Yes, a path to trod upon and a light beaming.

I always lived in dreams and false conviction
With no coherence in my action

Every time He came for my rescue
Gave me chance, where chances were few.

Every time I cried foul at myself
Showed disrespect to Him and Self.

Oh God! you always forgive, so do once
Teach me your language of Silence!

Two Words

On an usual summer evening,
Two Words met at a crossroad.
They thought, they knew each other,
But did not know the other’s abode.

Were they surprised at this encounter
Or was just another meeting, who knows!
They stood there stiff not knowing what to say,
Stealing a look now and then as the night arose.

Who knew the paradoxes of life will met
On an inglorious summer evening.
But then, is it not life filled with such
Unceremonious dates till end, from beginning?

The flow of thoughts is incomplete here (may be sometime later I may take it to “logical conclusion”)… but then it is complete too.  Is it not the paradox of life (or may be thought) evident here? (one says complete, the other says incomplete :-))

Thee

I went round and round
the world in search of thee.
Climbed the highest peak,
jumped in the deepest sea.
Everything else was there,
except thee, thee and thee.

I checked with eminent astronauts
who helped in reaching the moon.
I checked with eminent biologists
who develop “new” life in a cocoon.
I checked with great philosophers
with no answers coming soon.

I was perturbed with
this state of affair,
With the hypocrisy
poisoning the air
That we know too much, or
Just an empty bubble in mid-air?

The light is not out
but shining within.
The quest is not dead
but growing from thin.
The goal is not reached but
the journey is in full swing…

(to reach Thee)

Retake

I got up this morning
to a very beautiful day;
shining with hope
through clouds of dismay.

I wondered what could be
the reason for the change.
Though it was soothing,
yet looked so strange!

I could not believe: was awake
or in some eternal dream;
Flowing from tomorrow
to today, like a cascading stream.

Rain, the previous night, has
washed away all dirt.
Wet drenched me but cleansed me too.
Nature’s silent but romantic flirt!

Oh! is this the glow of
a new born or am I reborn?
Now I know every time it rains,
removed are some skin torn.

Here I was crying childishly on
distress and agony, never existed.
Losing childlike wit, forgetting
how much I was trusted.

Someone has said long back,
we learn from our mistake.
Life is not about going back, rather
moving ahead with every retake!

The Road of Life

Journey through the road of life,
Is a walk on the edge of knife.
Focused and engaged we may cross,
Lose them and it may cut across.

Faith and confidence are must,
Shun them; life-bubbles are burst.
Walk is not rough,
Our manifestations make it tough.

The thought may go on and on…

Some time back I was thinking about problems we face in life. What are these problems? This question took me to my school days. I could very easily co-relate. Initially I was taught the alphabets, the numbers…then came the words, simple arithmetic problems… followed by sentences, tougher problems… and the complexity increased. Isn’t life same too?

One thing that I have understood about Nature (or God or whatever we may call) is that EVOLUTION and nothing but EVOLUTION is its (avoiding gender controversy :P) ONE and ONLY agenda. Whenever Nature feels that we need to move ahead, learn new lessons it blesses us with “the problems”, we hate the most. We are left with no option but to face. Worst… there is no escaping. Till we master what Nature wants us to master, the problem will recur again and again in different forms.

No one remains the same before and after the arrival of pain (or problems). The title of a very popular self help book says it all “Tough Times Never Last But Tough People Do”.

Nature wants us to accept life in totality; learn to except the good, and the bad too, with ease. This is possible, I believe, with Faith in the Almighty and Confidence in the Self.

And then, is it not life all about choices we make? We can choose to be happy in the grimmest of situation and other way round. This I have seen in my life very clearly. I graduated with engineering degree… got placed in a MNC (a dream job for many of my friends)… drawing a handsome salary (among the highest in my batch)… and here I was miserable: always tensed, my blood pressure going high, could not sleep… always restless. Today, I have no job… no income… have registered for Masters (after facing intense competition)… the future is uncertain… BUT I AM HAPPY. I sleep well… get up with “an expectation from the self and hope from the world”… thank God for this life (an opportunity worth cherishing for)

My Spiritual Mentor gave a very beautiful suggestion. He said that Never try to quit anything bad (or bads) in you. It is stressful and frustrating process. But the BEST thing is to add as many good as you can and a time will come when the bad (or bads) will automatically leave. A good analogy could be adding new items in our small room: to make space for them we need to throw out the not-so-necessary ones. 🙂

At the end… as always so now… these “speech” is my HearT’s SpeaK, mind just gave them words!!! 🙂

If

Some poems leave behind an indelible mark on the memory. There effect never seems to fade. One such poem is If written by Rudyard Kipling.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with wornout tools;

Continue reading “If”

Deep Within

Longing of the heart
is deepening,
for the goal above,
ever widening,
leaving lower chasms
in sinking.

Wishes, desires and
ambitions are tempting,
Holding the soul from
onward marching.
In the vicious cycle,
I am struck in.

Materialism pulls me,
Spirituality liberates.
The sound of silence
that resonates,
Can be felt only
when I meditate.

The Divine light
beckons within me.
But my eyes
could not see.
Help me, an ignorant
son of thee.

Oh Master! of my life,
take me away
for the abyss is
too deep, I may sway.
I trust you completely but
not sure of my way!

Where…XXI

Where the world
around me crumbles,
and I stand helpless.
Where few chauvinists
feed their self-interest
and create a mess.
Where the so-called
democracies are on paper
but governments in recess.

“Hate the sin, not the sinner”, someone said. But while writing the aboves lines I started hating the sinner and probably forgetting the sin. Therefore, thought better to stop right away because the world is already overflowing with so much bitterness. Let me not add some more.

Mind

Many times I have seen
the mind fly, high and away.
Into wilderness unknown
in full glory of day.
Feelings widen, wishes open
and apprehensions at bay.

Am lost to the world now,
lost to the surrounding.
An entire zenith opens before
as excitement is mounting.
Have covered some distance
and am still counting.

Expanse of mind has taken me
where body can only wonder.
All-all new world within me
stand in total surrender.
Oh! never knew it was so very
beautiful inside, and yet tender.

Thank You My Lord, for showing
the Garden of Eden within me.
How peaceful I feel, how quenched
is my desire, before thee.
I promise not to return back,
whatever may happen to my body.

In The End

The other day I was talking to a friend. Spontaneously I made reference to the  song In The End by Linkin Park. I hate hard rock but the poetry in this song is so expressive and deep which makes listening, and reading the lyrics as well, a treat. Here, it goes…

(It starts with)
One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go
Continue reading “In The End”

The Music and The Song Of The Wood

This “poem”, if I can say so, I wrote sometime in Sept, 2008. While surfing through my older posts in my other blog (Let My Heart Speak) I came across it. I am reposting it here with some minor editing.

A river, meandered through
Caverns of rough weather.
Lived a life long enough and,
Moved and moved before wither,
Into the wonder that stood for all
With open arms and shelters:
The deep blue waters.

The turbulence and chaos,
The restlessness that grows
Mounts and mounts
when the river flows.

The calmness and peace,
The movement, that ease
comes and comes with
she, sea and the breeze.

All pains are gone,
Gone are the belongings.
All pleasures are gone,
Gone are the longings.

What remains is the music
and the song of the wood,
Once she traveled by
in her early childhood.

Life

Life is a search of its kind
Unknown paths, goals undefined.
A blank blackboard, few chalks
and a duster to write and erase,
Every time a new story with
Unknown ends, words and phrase.

Some stare at it lost,
Some scribble few words at most,
Some take chance and write anew,
Story of sort attempt a few.

Where do I stand,
I am yet to find!
I may not be one but all,
In search of a call
Which emanates
from deep within,
Till then some
effort I do put in.

Mind Without Fear

I vividly remember reading this poem for the first time in my 8th standard. Ever since then I felt deeply connected, in some mysterious way,  to this beautiful piece of creation from Gitanjali, a masterpiece written by Rabindranath Tagore.

Where the mind is without fear
and the head is held high;

Where knowledge is free;

Where the world has not been
broken up into fragments by narrow
domestic walls;

Where words come out from
the depth of truth;

Where tireless striving stretches its
arms towards perfection;

Where the clear stream of reason
has not lost its way into the dreary
desert sand of dead habit;

Where the mind is led forward by
thee into ever-widening thought and
action—

Into that heaven of freedom, my
Father, let my country awake.

~Rabindranath Tagore

P.S: My “Where” series poems are inspired from this poem!

Words, Words & Only Words Do I Have

Do words, that float
in our mind and
that trickle
down our lips,
tell the truth?

Do words know
what they say
or do we know?

We love them
so we use them
or misuse them?

We want to say
what we mean but
mostly we do not
mean what we say!

We repent for saying
what not to be said
and for not saying what
ought to be said.

Words are most used
but least understood.

Someone loves me
and I love someone
because words say so!

Words have fought battles.
Words have killed peoples.
Words have made kings.
And words do make fools.

Words, words and only
words do I have
but no meaning.

The Song of The Free

Surfing through the internet I came across a beautiful, thought-provoking poem written by Swami Vivekananda in 1895.

The wounded snake its hood unfurls,
The flame stirred up doth blaze,
The desert air resounds the calls
Of heart-struck lion’s rage.

The cloud puts forth it deluge strength
When lightning cleaves its breast,
When the soul is stirred to its in most depth
Great ones unfold their best.

Let eyes grow dim and heart grow faint,
And friendship fail and love betray,
Let Fate its hundred horrors send,
And clotted darkness block the way.

All nature wear one angry frown,
To crush you out – still know, my soul,
You are Divine. March on and on,
Nor right nor left but to the goal.

Nor angel I, nor man, nor brute,
Nor body, mind, nor he nor she,
The books do stop in wonder mute
To tell my nature; I am He.

Before the sun, the moon, the earth,
Before the stars or comets free,
Before e’en time has had its birth,
I was, I am, and I will be.

The beauteous earth, the glorious sun,
The calm sweet moon, the spangled sky,
Causation’s law do make them run;
They live in bonds, in bonds they die.

Continue reading “The Song of The Free”

Life and Death

The ephemerality of life shines
as he dines
through galores of food,
but alone in wood.

He has to accept
the burning fact
for which he is born,
laid on the path of thorn.

Can’t just see the one,
and rest none.
Have to act now or it’s never,
before the rising fever

Stands as monster, tall
before the fall
into the dark slumber…
Count the death number!

Where…XV

Where society nurtures
not “the” hate, at least.
Where humans behave with
humans as humans, not beast.
Where death is equally scary
for the inflicting, the deceased.

Where will the wonderland
of my holy dreams be,
where my “country” arise
to a new dawn but free,
where the shine spreads
from the blue (sky) to the sea?

Where…XIV

Where the road
divides into four.
Where I stand in
indecision up to core.
Where the lure is
for one and all four.

Where emotions rise
and flow in imagination.
Where, also fear of
tomorrow clouds decision.
Where choosing only one
builds up the frustration.

Where I stand at this
juncture of my life.
Where I feel, am walking
on edge of a knife.
Where I want to take
chance but fear to dive!

Where…XIII

Where bullets ripe the
body, also the soul.
Where fear of death
engulfs not one but all.
Where the duty stands
before the weak and tall.

Where fields are “green”
with films of blood.
Where death is not glorious
but in unceremonious thud.
Where cannons and shells speak,
rest all are fused dud!

Where all wars are fought
for a noble cause as they say.
Where exaggeration of victory is
painted over trepidation and dismay.
Where will my destiny lead
or will it be my last fray?

Where…VIII

Where is
my goal, dear?
Where is
my soul, dear?
Where is
my foul, dear?

Where I fear not the
future but live in today.
Where strong is my voice
and conviction in my say.
Where I grow in mind
and spirit, day by day.

Where is
the Light, dear?
Where is
the Guide, dear?
Where is
the fight (against the lower self), dear?

Where my loneliness
is no more lonely.
Where my feelings
are striking and holy.
Where my heart grows
to embrace wholly.

Where…VII

Where will the solace
of mind lie?
Where will the heart
recede in a faint sigh?
Where will the spirit
rest unto the body die?

Where will the chasm
of wishes be filled?
Where will the sword
of expectation be killed?
Where will the fate of perished
(and perishable) be sealed?

Where will the Will be
strong enough and not taxed?
Where will the soul be
full empty, yet relaxed?
Where will the answers be,
for the questions asked?

Where…VI

Where I am not alone
in the vastness of sky.
Where someone walks
with me in wet and dry.
Where breath meets breath
with a gentle sigh.

Where the right hand carries
the left as we walk by.
Where hearts court each
other, yet the eyes belie.
Where feelings bubble
to fore, but tongues shy.

Where right and wrong
do not exist.
Where fear bothers
one, the least.
Where courage holds
the clenched fist.

Where…III

Where realms of mind is
lost into the depth of heart.
Where power is not
with the so-called smart.
Where agile is “feeling” and
extinct is the thinking-dart.

Where questions have no
answers, yet they are asked.
Where replies are sought for not
in absolute terms, but masked.
Where instinct is at work to
receive, but logic is not taxed.

Where emptiness is
not empty of something.
Where the Creation coalesces
to become nothing.
Where only He exists
and not a thing.

Where…II

Where night whips
the feeling of fear.
Where tough gets
going, seldom hears.
Where heart sinks
in the depth so near.

Where soul is at bay
thinking to be in depth.
Where ‘to feel’ is
to die in debt.
Where emotions churn
the burning heck.

Where can I say
I lie down at the shrine?
Where can I say
that I’m fine?
Where can I say
let my glory shine?

Where questions are
more and answer none.
Where confusion kicks
and to cry is fun.
Where life is dead
and death on run.

Where mounts the
mountain of worry.
Where falls to fault
the height of glory.
Where cherished are
the sons of sorry.

Where never ending path
leads to nowhere.
Where every destination
is not so dear.
Where each step has
vastness so mere.

Where…I

Where words fall short
and the heart melts.
Where mind races high,
into deep faults.
Where vision fails and
the journey halts.

Where I feel not any
exuberance or high.
Where proximity is bliss
with inevitability to die.
Where nocturnal feelings
bear the brunt and sigh.

Where heat is frozen
and mist transparent.
Where faith falls and does
something incoherent.
Where rain is not cheered
and the wets are torment.

Where love is to die
in the depth unheard.
Where drops of water are
nothing but one in herd.
Where going gets tough
the belief sounds absurd.

Where emptiness rules the
caverns of rough weather.
Where vague is the disguise
of fermenting heather.
Where calmness dies the death,
laughs loud the coarse soother.

The day I was reborn!

A day like another.
The unusualness not so unique.
Nothing to mark out new.
Strength dead in sinew.

Life seemed to be dragging
The future looked bleak.
The goals were not defined,
Nor were steps aligned.

Time would be running short
But no one to kick
So was the motion slow.
Lacked the luster and glow.

Moved out of the office
Or was I a freak
To be so late.
An important date!

The bike stopped at signal
Heard screech of brakes
What I remember now is:
The cold-dead death’s kiss.

Was I ignored by Him
Or an encounter as fake
Whatever it may be,
I lived to see.

This day and many
More shall I make
Before the curtain is drawn.
Till then, the game is on.

The day I was reborn!